Lesson
Three: Structure and Outline
Below
you will find a sample outline and the essay written from
that outline.
OUTLINE
Paragraph
1 (Introduction)
I.
Leading sentence :“It took me eighteen years to
realize what an extraordinary influence my mother
has been on my life.”
II.
Summary of main points: “I not only came to love
the excitement of learning simply for the sake of
knowing something new, but I also came to understand
the idea of giving back to the community in exchange
for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.”
Paragraph
2 (First Supporting Point)
I.
Transition sentence: “My mother’s enthusiasm for
learning is most apparent in travel.”
II.
Supporting point: Her mother’s enthusiasm for
learning.
III.
Evidence: Learning through travel by using the
example of a trip to Greece.
Paragraph
3 (Second Supporting Point)
I.
Transition sentence: “While I treasure the various
worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life
has been equally transformed by what she has shown
me just two miles from my house.”
II.
Supporting point: Her mother’s dedication to the
community.
III.
Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such
as helping at the local soup kitchen.
Paragraph
4 (Conclusion)
I.
Transition sentence: “Everything that my mother
has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought
behind it.”
II.
Reiteration of main points: “She has enriched
my life with her passion for learning, and changed
it with her devotion to humanity.”
III.
Taking it one step further: “Next year, I will
find a new home miles away. However, my mother will
always be by my side.”
Click
here to create your own outline
COMPLETED
ESSAY
Note:
The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It
appears as it was initially reviewed by admissions officers.
(If
you need help editing your essay, Click HERE)
It took
me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence
my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person
who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would
most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the
kind of mother who always has time for her four children,
and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board
of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished
citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed
many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement
of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new,
but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to
the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love,
and spirit.
My mother’s
enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was
nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night
for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter
and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths
and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that
we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed
to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly
remember standing in an empty amphitheatre pretending to
be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture
in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified
tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen
passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned
on these journeys about global history, politics and culture,
as well as my family and myself.
While
I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me
abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she
has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year
old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a
local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended
meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children
around the building and performing magic tricks. Having
finally perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began
work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year
old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe,
an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious.
At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work
at (name deleted) as Jane’s tutor. Although the position
is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation.
In the seven years since I first walked through the doors
of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving
to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything
that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the
thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had
at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned
to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched
my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with
her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything
and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life
that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new
home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my
side.
Continue
To Short Essay Strategies
Click here to create
your own outline
|
